Always Yours Read online

  Always Yours

  Shelly Jones

  Copyright © 2014/2015 by Shelly Jones

  Cover Design By: Steffy Rogers.

  Cover Image- Dollar Photo Club- #68049113, author- michaeljung

  Interior design – Dollar Photo club- File #26573371, Author-Kirsty Pargeter

  Editing done by Keene-Eye Editing

  All rights reserved, No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved.

  Paperback:

  ISBN-13: 978-1519438027

  ISBN-10: 1519438028

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication | This book is for the women who get knocked down, but get back up swinging and don’t back down. | To the single moms out there who keep going even when we want to give-up. | To anyone who has been through hell and back and you still believe is love. | You may be broken, bruised up, scarred up, but you’re still beautiful.

  Prologue | Katie

  Chapter 1 | Katie

  Chapter 2 | Eric

  Chapter 3 | Katie

  Chapter 4 | Eric

  Chapter 5 | Katie

  Chapter 6 | Eric

  Chapter 7 | Katie

  Chapter 8 | Eric

  Chapter 9 | Katie

  Chapter 10 | Eric

  Chapter 11 | Katie

  Chapter 12 | Eric

  Chapter 13 | Katie

  Chapter 14 | Eric

  Chapter 15 | Katie

  Chapter 16 | Dean’s POV

  Chapter 17 | Katie

  Chapter 18 | Eric

  Chapter 19 | Katie

  Chapter 20 | Katie

  Chapter 21 | Eric

  Chapter 22 | Katie

  Chapter 23 | Eric

  Chapter 24 | Katie | February 13th

  Chapter 25 | Katie | 3 months later...

  Epilogue | Eric | 1 year later....

  The Playlist...

  Acknowledgements

  Dedication

  This book is for the women who get knocked down, but get back up swinging and don’t back down.

  To the single moms out there who keep going even when we want to give-up.

  To anyone who has been through hell and back and you still believe is love.

  You may be broken, bruised up, scarred up, but you’re still beautiful.

  Prologue

  Katie

  “So you ready to go find out what we’re having,” I say to my best friend, my soul sister Rachel.

  “Hell yes! I’m ready for you to pay me my fifty bucks because I know this baby is a ‘he’,” she says and I start to laugh.

  “So when you give me my fifty bucks, I think you should just take me right over to Dairy Queen so I can order fifty dollars’ worth of Snickers Blizzards.”

  “Well let’s go see who’s right,” she says opening my front door. I grab my purse, walk out and turn to lock my door.

  Rachel is in front of me and I hear her say hi to someone, I just figured it was my next door neighbor.

  “Mrs. Tanner,” a man’s voice says. I turn and look up at him and I start to shake.

  “No! No, No,” I start to shout. The tears fall from my eyes instantly.

  “Ma’am, I’m Captain Marks the Causality Notification Officer, this is Chaplain Johnson and Special Agent Roberts. We’re here to inform you...” he starts to say.

  I start shaking and Rachel sees it. “No, you get out of here,” I yell.

  “Ma’am is there some place we can talk?”

  “No, because if you come in, you’re going to tell me he’s gone and you’re not allowed to tell me that,” I snarl at them in between tears.

  They look at Rachel and she nods her head. She takes my keys from my hands and unlocks the door. Rachel grabs my arm, walks me into my apartment, and helps me to the couch.

  “Ma’am, we’re sorry to tell you but, SSgt Tanner, your husband, has died in the line of duty.”

  I grab my stomach, “It’s a lie. This cannot be happening to me.” I look over at the uniforms sitting in my house. “He’s gone?” I ask them.

  “Yes Ma’am, he’s gone. He died serving our country.”

  “How?” I ask.

  “Ma’am I don’t know all the details, but we know he died as a result of an IED.”

  “An IED? Tell me in terms I understand!”

  “Improvised Explosion Device Ma’am.”

  “So, a bomb?”

  “Yes.”

  “So he’s not coming home? He’s not going to help me raise our baby? He’s dead? No he’s not! This is a lie! Steve is playing a bad joke... Please tell me this is joke,” I plead.

  “No Ma’am, I’m sorry I can’t. He’s gone,” Captain Marks kept repeating.

  God I hate the phrase ‘Ma’am’. “Stop calling me Ma’am! I’m not an eighty year old woman. I am Kaitlyn, Katie, OR Mrs. Tanner. Stop calling me Ma’am!” I shout.

  “I’m sorry, is there anything we can do for you?”

  “Yeah you can tell Steve this is not funny and the joke’s over.” I’m so completely numb. I have no feeling whatsoever.

  “I’m really sorry for you loss. Your husband died a hero.”

  “The fuck he did! He died, leaving me alone to raise our baby,” I scream!

  The Chaplain came and sat next to me and grabbed my hands. He said something and I didn’t hear a word he said. I just kept repeating, “He gone, he’s really gone.” Sobbing, rocking back and forth. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “Ma’am, err, I mean Mrs. Tanner, if there’s anything we can do, please let us know. We will be in touch with more details in a couple of days.” Captain Marks says as he stands up to leave.

  I didn’t say anything, just sat there watching these men in my house. I saw Rachel talking to them, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying nor did I care.

  “Rachel?”

  “I’m here sweetie.”

  “Get my dad, I need my dad.”

  She gets my phone and calls him. “He’s on the next flight in. He’ll be in here in a few hours.”

  I nod my head. I’m rocking back and forth, crying and repeating, “He’s never coming back.”

  I have no idea what time it was, but the moment I saw my dad’s face, I cried even harder. “Daddy,” I whisper.

  “Yes baby, dad’s here,” he says kneeling in front of me, wrapping his arms around me.

  “Daddy he’s gone. He’s really gone?”

  “Yes baby, he’s gone.” My dad gets up and sits next to me on the couch. I lay my head on his lap and continue to cry.

  Rachel and my dad try and get me to eat, but I refuse. “Katie, you have to eat for the baby,” my dad says.

  “I can’t,” I snap.

  “I know you hurt, but you have to at least try Katie. Please,” he begs.

  I take a couple bites of toast and drink the glass of water they gave me, and then I stand up. “I’m going to bed,” I say walking away.

  I go into mine and Steve’s room, I find one of his old shirts and put it on and crawl into bed, I start to get pissed and punch my pillow. After pretty much throwing a temper tantrum, I finally cry myself to sleep.

  It’s been two and half weeks and we are laying Steve to rest. His parents and I decided to have him buried in our home town of Green Bay. Between my dad, Rachel’s fiancé Brady an
d Steve’s parents, they have moved me from Fort Hood, Texas to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Everyone agreed it would be better for me to live closer. I am still too numb to make my own decisions so I just went along with it.

  The military funeral was as nice as a funeral could be. People from all over came to pay their last respects. Some people came that I wish hadn’t, people from high school who hated me and who had no business being anywhere near my husband or myself.

  As I sat there listening to everyone talk about how great my husband Steve was, I was looking around. Looking at all the people who were here, I swear I saw someone from my past but he kept his head down. I was almost positive that it was him though.

  The Honor Guard fired the 21 gun salute, Taps was played and then they folded the flag. The senior officer walked over to me and presented the flag to me, saluted and walked away.

  I had to get away. I got up quickly and went to follow the guy I swore I saw. Rachel came flying up behind me, “Katie, are you ok?”

  I looked over at her, “Did you see him?”

  “See who?”

  “Eric Reed, he was here, I swear he was.”

  “Katie, Eric is in Chicago. I don’t even think he knows about Steve.”

  “Are you sure? I swore I saw him, right here. He was standing right here.”

  “Sweets, I swear I didn’t see him.”

  “Ugh! Now you can add seeing people to my list of issues.” I roll my eyes.

  “You hungry,” she asks.

  “Yeah, princess and I are starving,” I tell her.

  “Let’s go get you and my niece need something to eat. It’s been an emotional few weeks,” she says wrapping her arm around my shoulder and leading me back to my family.

  Chapter 1

  Katie

  Its Ava’s second birthday and I’m having a few people over to celebrate. My dad, Rachel, her fiancé Brady, Steve’s parents, Lucy and Jack, Steve’s brother Tom, his Sister Alicia and their spouses, and three of my friends from high school and their significant others. Living back in Green Bay has been good for us. We’re close to family and friends, and without all of them, I don’t think I would have made it through these last two and half years.

  I put the finishing touches on the birthday cake I made for Ava, a large square light purple cake, with Tinker Bell on it. She loves her Tinker Bell and who am I to say no to her. I put two candles on the cake and head out to the back deck, place the cake on the table and light the candles. Everyone starts to sing happy birthday. Ava is in her pink sundress, all smiles and clapping. Her light brown hair is pulled up into pig tails and her big blue eyes sparkle. She loves the attention everyone is giving her. I’m sitting there watching her make a total mess of her cake.

  Ava was due on June 10th but she had other plans and decided to come on June 3rd which happens to be Steve’s birthday. Of course, the day I went into labor, it was very emotional, and knowing that she was going to be born on Steve’s birthday was unreal.

  “Rachel! Wake up,” I shout at her sleeping next to me. Ever since I moved back to Wisconsin she’s been staying with me at my dad’s.

  “What,” she says in her sleep.

  “I’m having horrible pain,” I say.

  “Shit,” she says and sits straight up, looking over at me. “You want to go to the hospital,” she asks me.

  “No dumb ass, I want to go dancing. Yes I want to go to the hospital,” I snap at her with a laugh.

  “You’re not funny,” she says.

  “Neither are you. I’m going to go wake my dad up,” I say getting out of bed “Oh shit,” I scream and grab my stomach.

  “How far apart are these contractions?”

  “Maybe five minutes or so, I’m not sure.”

  Rachel jumps up and opens the bedroom door “Mr. Brooks,” Rachel shouts and it doesn’t take long for my dad to be in my room.

  “What? Katie, it’s time,” he asks. I nod my head and tears start to flow from my eyes.

  “Rachel, go get her bag and start the car,” he tells Rachel.

  Rachel does what she’s told. My dad grabs my hand, holds my arm and helps me walk. Rachel comes back in and grabs my other arm and walks me to the car.

  It takes about ten minutes to get to the hospital. Rachel has called them in advance to let them know I was on my way. We get to the hospital and I’ve had two contractions in the short trip. They get me in my room right away and hook me up to all the monitors. While I was getting into my gown, my dad called Steve’s parents to let them know it was time.

  Rachel and I are sitting there talking, and she sends texts to a few people to let them know the baby is coming. I look over at the wall and notice the day June third. “Wow,” I whisper.

  “What’s wrong? Another contraction,” Rachel asks.

  “Look at the date?”

  “Oh wow,” she says.

  “Guess she wants to share a birthday with her daddy,” I rub my belly and begin to cry.

  My labor goes on for what seems forever, but it was only five hours. By now my room is filled with friends, and Steve’s family.

  Its noon when Dr. Westbourne comes in. “How are we doing,” she asks.

  “I’m in some pain, but feel ok now that I have the epidural,” I reply.

  She does her exam. “Are we ready to have a baby,” she asks me.

  “It’s time,” I ask.

  “It’s time.” She turns to everyone in the room and tells everyone but Rachel and Steve’s mom Lucy to leave. I allowed Steve’s mom in the room since this is her first grandchild and it’s the only thing left of Steve.

  After pushing a few times the doctor’s face went from excited to concern.

  “What’s wrong,” I ask.

  “Katie I’m sorry to say this, but you’re going to need a cesarean section. Every time you push her heart rate goes down and it’s for the safety of you both. You need this and you need this now.” I start crying even harder.

  I look over at Rachel, “Come with me please,” I beg her.

  “Try and stop me.” She kisses me on the forehead. Steve’s mom was pissed, but I don’t care. I want Rachel with me all the way.

  They get me prepped and ready, and into the operating room. A blue curtain goes up in front of my face. My hands are spread out and strapped down to the boards and they gave me an oxygen mask. I had the epidural already in, so they were able to give me more medicine to numb me completely.

  Once I was ready it was fairly quick. They lowered the curtain and showed me my little girl. She was screaming and she was beautiful. Rachel followed her and when she was all cleaned up Rachel brought her over to me.

  “Say ‘Hi mommy’,” Rachel says.

  “Oh my god, she’s beautiful.”

  “So, now a name...” Rachel says looking at her.

  “Ava Lilly,” I say.

  Rachel looks at her and then at me. “Ava Lilly Tanner, beautiful name for a beautiful baby.”

  Ava Lilly Tanner, born June 3rd 2011. She weighed eight pounds six ounces and was twenty-one inches long.

  “What are you thinking about?” Rachel asks.

  “Just remembering her birth,” I reply.

  “It was an amazing day. Crazy, but amazing.”

  “Right? But so worth it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” I say as I walk over to the birthday girl and give her kisses.

  “Thank you for letting us be a part of this,” Steve’s mom Lucy says to me.

  Since Steve died they’ve been so worried that I would shut them out of Ava’s life. It’s almost work on a weekly basis to reassure her that she is and will always be a part of Ava’s life.

  “Well of course, you are and will always be Grandma and Grandpa.”

  Ava says her good-byes to them, I put her down and she goes to find my dad.

  It’s about seven and everyone decides to start heading home. With it being a Sunday night, I can’t be too disappointed.

  “You going to be ok,” my dad comes up and ask
s.

  “For the millionth time dad, I’m fine. I promise.”

  “Ok, well you know the drill. Call me if you need me.”

  “I will. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Ok you’re off the hook for now,” he says kissing me on the top of the head. He gives Ava a kiss and a hug and then he leaves.

  Tom and Alicia, along with their spouses, leave as well. “Thank you so much for allowing us to be a part of this,” Alicia says.

  “You’re her aunt, of course you would be.”

  “You know, we just kind of figured after Steve died, you’d just, I don’t know cut us out of your life.”

  I shake my head. “You’re nuts! I would never do that to you guys.”

  “Thank you,” she says, giving me a hug.

  I walk them out and say our goodbyes.

  I walk back inside, Rachel and Brady are talking about something but shut up as soon as I walk in.

  “You didn’t have to stop talking just because I came inside.”

  Rachel laughs her uncomfortable laugh, which tells me she’s hiding something from me.

  “Well, we should be going. We have got to get up early in the morning.”

  “Ok, well, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Ok, love you,” Rachel says.

  “Love you too,” I tell them and they’re gone.

  I get Ava to bed, clean and lock everything up, checking it three to four times out of habit, before I grab my laptop to get some editing done. Owning my own photography business, I am able to make my own hours and work from home.

  After Steve’s death, Ava’s birth, and me moving back to Green Bay, I decided to start my own company instead of working for someone else. I bought this house because not only was it perfect for Ava and I, it was perfect for my business; a four bedroom, three and half bathroom house on almost four acres of land. There are two sets of garages, one set is connected to the house and the other set is unattached and sets off towards the back yard. With the help of some guy friends, I was able to turn that one into my photography studio.

  The thing I love the most about our house is the thousand square feet of stamped concrete that wraps around the house. When the sun goes down, I can sit on my back porch and watch it. This land is connected to a conservancy and we see all kinds of wild life. It truly is my dream house.