Always Yours Read online

  I turn on my IPod and put my ear buds in, and listened to “Wherever You Will Go” by the Calling. This song always reminds me of Steve and makes me miss him more than I already do. “I Was Here” by Lady Antebellum comes on next while I finish up my work for the two customers I had to get finished and get ready for bed.

  The rest of the week goes by fast. The dress fitting went good, everyone can still fit into their dresses which makes Rachel a very happy bride. She’s getting married to Brady a week from this coming Saturday.

  On Thursday, I went over to Mr. and Mrs. Reed’s house and visit with Mrs. Reed. She’s sick and even though her son Eric has left town, I still make an attempt to go over every once in a while to see them. Mr. Reed will always hold a special place in my heart because of that one horrifying night four years ago. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think I’d be here. I feel like I owe him my life. Actually I don’t think I do, I know I owe him my life.

  I love these two like second parents. I was seventeen, when my mom died from a brain tumor, and Mrs. Reed was right there for me. She used to take me shopping and was just there for me when I needed a “mom”, so I try to go over there as much as I can. I take Ava over sometimes too. They love seeing her, and Mrs. Reed will read to Ava and tell her stories. It’s a beautiful thing. I sometimes do her hair or paint her finger nails and toe nails for her. She loves it and I love doing it for her.

  It’s finally Friday and Ava is going to Steve’s parents for a couple of days. Ava will come home on Sunday afternoon. I’ll miss the little peanut, but I know she’ll have a good time and it’s good for her to know every side of her family, even if her daddy isn’t here with us anymore.

  Rachel and I are meeting for dinner right after she gets off work. I go into the bathroom and change into my cream colored laced tank dress with brown belt and brown cowboy boots. My brown wavy hair is down, cascading down my back. I keep my make-up very natural. ‘Less is best’ is my policy.

  Rachel and I meet at Applebee’s. “Thank you,” Rachel says hugging me.

  “Umm, what for?”

  “For going out tonight; I can’t take my house anymore. They’re driving me fucking crazy!”

  I let out a small laugh. “Can’t be that bad?!”

  We enjoy our dinner and I listen to her complain about her soon to be in-laws all being at her house. She listens to me talk about work and her favorite subject, Ava. “You ready to go?” I ask Rachel when we have finished our meals.

  “Yes,” she says.

  The music is loud and “Good Girl” by Carrie Underwood is playing when we walk into Stir-Ups. It’s Friday night and it’s crowded. The guys are walking around in tight jeans and some are even wearing boots and cowboy hats. Damn that’s hot. Just because I’m not ready to date doesn’t mean I can’t admire, and tonight there seems to be a lot to admire.

  I catch a glimpse of a guy standing by the bar. His smile is enough to make a girl weak in the knees. He’s wearing a black baseball cap turned backwards and black t-shirt that hugs his torso. I’m not close enough to see what else he’s wearing, but fuck! He’s hot, but I have this urge of anger shoot through me. “No it can’t be...Can it,” I say to myself.

  Rachel sees where I’m staring at, “Shit,” she says.

  “It’s him isn’t it?”

  “I’m sorry Katie. I didn’t know he would be here. Do you want to leave?”

  I take a deep breath, “Nope I’m good. Let’s have some fun.” I take another deep breath and smile.

  “You sure?” she asks confused.

  I nod my head, “About as sure as I’ll ever be.” I blow out a breath and walk towards him.

  So what, he’s here. We were never a couple. I was madly in love with him, sure, but he didn’t feel the same way. We were all friends at one time, but I haven’t seen him since that night after graduation. The night I have tried so hard to never to think about, until now...

  It was the night of graduation. We had party, at a farm that was home to one of the guys we hung out with. Huge bon fire, drinking, loud music; it was our farewell. Everyone was getting ready to go do their own thing. I was sitting on the back of Brady’s truck next to Rachel singing “Pour Me” by Trick Pony. Eric and Brady we’re drinking and laughing. I had two beers and wanted to tell Eric finally how I felt after all these years.

  “Hey Katie, want to go for a walk?”

  “Sure!” I smiled at him. My stomach started doing flips. ‘Now or never,’ I tell myself. I jump off the tailgate.

  We walk a little way. “Eric, I need to tell you something before I lose my nerve.”

  “Ok KatBug, what’s up?”

  I rolled my eyes, I hate KatBug! “I’m crazy about you, always have. Ever since seventh grade! I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but never had the nerve. I know we’re friends and all, but you should know.”

  Eric just stood there and stared at me. From behind me I heard a girl’s laugh.

  I turned to look and saw her, Reagan Montgomery.

  “Wow that was pathetic KatBug, even for you.”

  “Reagan stop,” Eric pleaded with her.

  “Ok come on baby, aren’t you going to tell her? Or should I?”

  “Tell me what? What the fuck is going on?”

  “Katie, I’m so sorry...” he tried to finish but Reagan cut him off.

  “He’s with me loser. We’re getting married and having a baby. You see while you were crushing on him, I was actually fucking him. So he’s mine all mine.” She threw her head back and laughed like the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz.

  I stood there frozen not sure what to say....

  “Jesus Reagan, why did you do that?” he was saying and I got the nerve to walk, correction, I ran, I ran all the way back to the truck.

  “Katie, wait up! Please let me explain,” Eric shouted for me behind, but I never looked back. I never saw Eric again after that night, not until tonight...

  “Want a beer?” Rachel asks pulling me out of my own thoughts.

  I nod my head and we head for the bar.

  “Hey babe,” I hear a man’s voice. I look to see who was saying that and to my surprise, it’s Brady.

  “Hey baby. What are you doing here?” Rachel seems confused, shocked that he’s here.

  “We had to get the hell out of there. I’m sorry. I forgot how annoying my family is.”

  “Hey Katie,” Brady says kissing me on the cheek.

  “Hey, Brady. So, I hear your house is all kinds of fun,” I giggle with a wink.

  “Yeah you’ve heard huh?”

  “Yeah, I know everything.”

  “But they’ll be gone in a week or so.”

  “Why in the hell did they show up so soon?”

  “Grandma wanted to help.”

  I just give him a smile and nod my head.

  I can feel eyes on me and I’m not sure I want to make contact with those eyes.

  I’ve spent ten years erasing those eyes from my memory. I couldn’t help it though, I turned my head to the right and met those eyes that been staring at me since I walked through the door. Taking him in I see that he’s still the same, 6’4”, he looks a little more muscular, I can’t really see his hair under his hat. He’s always hid his brown hair under a hat. But on Eric, it’s hot. Didn’t think it was possible, but he’s hotter then he’s ever been.

  “Hi Katie,” he says in a soft voice.

  “Hi Eric,” I reply.

  “It’s been a long time,” he smiles.

  “Yep, ten years, longtime,” I say in a sort of bitchy tone, and before he could say anything, “So how’s Reagan?”

  The corners of his mouth turn up, “Wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen her since three days after she pulled that shit.”

  “Ah, I see.” I nod my head and roll my eyes. ‘Asshole,’ I think to myself.

  “Aw Naw” comes on by Chris Young and Rachel grabs me by the hand and pulls me out on the dance floor to join the line dance that’s going on.
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br />   “Are you ok?” Rachel asks me as we walk off the dance floor.

  “Yep, I’m peachy.”

  “Bullshit, if you’re not fine with this, we can leave.”

  “No, I’m fine, just shocked to see him. I didn’t even know he and Brady still talked.”

  “Yeah I’m sorry; I guess I should have told you.”

  “Yeah, I’m guessing there’s a lot you haven’t told me, but whatever. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Ok, good, as long as you don’t hate me.”

  “It’s a free world, he can be anywhere he wants to be,” I say looking over at him. My blood boils in anger, but yet I miss him. I miss his smile, his friendship. My head and my heart are fighting over how I should be feeling right now.

  “Want to sing with me tonight,” Rachel asks me.

  “I was thinking of doing a song myself, but I’ll totally sing with you too.”

  “Uh oh, you’re going to seek your revenge aren’t you?”

  I don’t have to answer her. Instead, I walk over to where the DJ is sitting and pick out a song.

  The DJ gets me on right away which in a way is a good thing; I can’t chicken out.

  I chose “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sara Evans. It’s not just directed towards Eric, but it’s how I’m feeling every day of my life. After I’m done, I get a lot of applause. Not going to lie, it feels good. The DJ lets Rachel and I go up after I finished. We chose “Little Goodbyes” by SHeDaisy. This has always been one of our favorites since it came out.

  We had so much fun singing that song. It felt like old times. Rachel and I walk down by our table and Eric grabs me by my arm, “Come with me now, please,” he whispers in my ear. He really doesn’t give me a chance to say no, he leads me outside.

  “What?” I snap.

  “I am so sorry,” he says staring at the sidewalk.

  “For what Eric? What is it you have to be sorry for?”

  “For everything, for the way I treated you that night, for not being here for you through all the shit you went through. I’m sorry.”

  “Well shit Eric, it only took you ten years. What is this, part of your ten steps you have to go through or something? Not sure why you feel the need to say it now, when you should have done this ten years. Hell, a year ago I would have been good with, but now it almost feels like you’re being forced to do it.”

  “I’m not. I haven’t known what to say or how to do it. Katie, you’ve got to know I never meant to hurt you.”

  “How about, ‘Hey Katie, I’m sorry for being a dick’, you know, but hey, better late than never right, or so they say?”

  I turn to start walking back into the bar, “I was there you know...” he says.

  “You were where,” I ask him without looking.

  “At the service for Steve; I saw you, I wanted to wrap my arms around you, but I was too embarrassed with the way I treated you. I chickened out. I stayed in the back and I don’t think anyone even knew I was there.”

  I take a deep breath. “You bastard,” I whisper wiping away tears. ‘That was him! I knew I wasn’t seeing things,’ I say to myself.

  I feel his hands on my shoulders and he turns me to face him. Taking one hand, he wipes a tear from my eye.

  I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t move. I was frozen right there, left speechless. I knew I needed to go. I needed to get far away from him as I possibly could, but I couldn’t. It felt good to have his hands on me.

  “Talk to me Katie. Please talk to me.”

  “I can’t, Eric,” I say shaking my head.

  “Please say something, anything,” he begs.

  “I’ve got to go.” I break free from him and go back inside. I have to find Rachel.

  “Hey, are you ok,” she asks.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. I need to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say grabbing my phone and heading out.

  They follow me to my car, “You sure you’re ok,” Rachel asks.

  “I’ll be fine Rachel.”

  “Call me if you need me.”

  “I will, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I get in my car and pull out as fast as I can.

  I kept the emotions in check until I got home, but once I get inside, all bets we’re off. I let my emotions fly.

  I fall to the floor and cry. “FUCK YOU,” I shout.

  How can I let him get to me? He’s not worth it, but as much as I try and fight it, a part of me is happy he’s around. I’ve missed him, I hate to admit it, but I think I still have feelings for him, even though I shouldn’t. No, I refuse to allow myself to feel anything for anyone, especially those who have hurt me.

  I get myself up and go back to my bedroom. I slip out of my dress and put on my black tank top and black and white shorts. I crawl into bed and lay there crying, thinking about Steve, Dean and Eric. It only takes a few minutes and I’m passed out.

  Chapter 2

  Eric

  “ARG” I shout and I run my hands over my face. Why in the hell did I just do this to her? Haven’t seen her in ten years and then I stand her and throw this shit at her. “You’re a fucking idiot,” I say out loud.

  “Yeah you can say that again,” I hear. I turn and see Rachel and Brady walking up to me. “So what the hell did you do to her?” Rachel snaps. She may be tiny, but I know she could easily kick my ass, especially when it comes to Katie.

  “I didn’t do anything. I just said I was sorry.”

  “Yeah well you had to have said something because I haven’t seen her like this in a long time.”

  “I promise all I did was apologized to her. Is she going to be ok?”

  “She’ll be fine. She always lands on her feet. But I swear to everything holy Eric, you even look at her wrong, I will castrate your ass. She’s been through enough; she doesn’t need your bullshit or your tramp’s bullshit either. So watch it,” Rachel snarls at me.

  “Dude, Brady, will you call off your woman?!”

  “Nope, not this time Eric. We’ve been here for Katie, trying to help her pick up her life and you can’t just come in here and fuck this up. Not on my watch. I love you like a brother, but I will choose Katie over you any day of the week.”

  “All I did was say that I was sorry, I swear. I’m not going to hurt her, I still love her! Jesus can’t you two see that! Fuck!”

  “You what?” Rachel says getting close to me.

  “What? I love her, I thought you knew this?”

  “No you dumb ass, I didn’t know this. Why in the hell have you not said something?”

  “Cause he’s a pussy that’s why,” Brady snaps.

  What in the hell is going on here? This is not how I expected tonight to go like.

  “You know what. I didn’t do anything. I’m going home. I’ll catch you guys’ later.”

  “Wait, Eric,” Rachel yells for me

  “What?” I snap and turn and look at her.

  “If you loved her, why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because Reagan got to her before I could, and then when I was ready to try again, I heard she was with Steve, so I figured she would be better off without me.”

  “You’re wrong, you know that right? Her life has been so fucked up since that night.”

  “Keep making me feel even more like the shit that I already am Rachel. You think I don’t know the pain I caused her? And it’s not like I didn’t try to get back here. I did, and every time I tried to call her or come home, everyone told me to leave her alone because she wanted nothing to do with me,” I say walking away.

  I hear Rachel try to say something, but Brady cuts her off, telling her to let me go.

  I get into my 2011 black Ford F-150 and put my head on the steering wheel. This is NOT how I wanted the night to go... I turn my truck on and “More Than Miles” by Brantley Gilbert comes on. I slam my hands on the steering wheel. “God damnit,” I shout.

  I put my truck in drive and leave the bar. I have no idea where I’m going, but going back to my parent’s house i
s not an option. The one place I want to go, I can’t, so I end up back at my parent’s house. Shit the lights are still on, I can’t deal with my parents right now. I close my truck door softly hoping they just left the light on and I can just sneak in. Walking into the house I see my dad sitting in his recliner watching ESPN. He looks up at me and turns the TV off, stands up, and heads for the kitchen.

  “You look like you need a beer,” my dad says.

  “Something stronger than a beer, dad.”

  “You ran into Katie didn’t you?”

  How the hell does he know this stuff? “How did you know?”

  “Just a guess, so didn’t go so well huh?”

  I start to chuckle, “Nope!” I walk over the liquor cabinet and grab the bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses. Filling them, I ask dad, “Want one?”

  “Sure, but only if you plan on talking.”

  “Fine.”

  We grab the shot glasses, clink them together and down them.

  “What Reagan pulled still has her fucked up,” I mumble.

  “Are you sure it’s Reagan or is it you?”

  “I don’t know, maybe it’s both? I haven’t a clue.”

  “Eric, look at her life...she’s been through hell and back times ten. She’s had her entire world turned upside and yet she’s still standing. Do you think that maybe it’s not what Reagan pulled, but just maybe it’s the fact it took you over ten years to say you’re sorry. She needed her friends and you were one of whom she needed the most and you weren’t there.”

  “Fuck dad, I know. I tried to come back. I called her dad, shit I even called Steve and everyone told me to leave her alone. I feel like shit as it is. Why does everyone keep making me feel worse?”

  “No one is making you feel that way. You’re doing it yourself. All I’m doing is telling you what your mother and I have seen.”

  “I feel like shit that I wasn’t there, but what can I do? It’s done and over. What’s done is done. I can’t make it better. I tried tonight to say I was sorry and hoped we could move forward, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”